Panels: "Okay. You're God. So what."

TV Pitch: "Resurrection Catacombs"

February 12, 2009

Dear studio execs and other producer bigwigs:

Hello! No don't stop reading! You're probably thinking to yourself, "here's just another kid from Indiana with a lame idea for a television show so let's just ignore him." I don't blame you! You probably receive hundreds of ideas a day for new thises or new thats and it must be trying to spend money on the salaries of people that root through them all for you, especially in these desperate financial times we find ourselves in. HOWEVER, if you simply give my pitch (located below this paragraph) a read, I sincerely doubt you will be disappointed with the way you spent your time [vicariously through an underling, of course].

Okay well I haven't settled on a name for it yet but I'm tossing around something like "Resurrection Catacombs" or "Cryojinks". If I haven't sold you quite yet, please read on.

The setting is late twenty-first century America. An offshoot of the Illuminati have decided that the world situation is dire enough to begin the process of bringing famous and talented individuals out of cryosleep. See, it turns out that ever since the invention of suspended animation in 1728 (just one year too late for Newton), this organization has been preserving the world's greatest minds for such a time as, I guess, late twenty-first century America.

At the start of the show only two people have been brought back to life—Thomas Edison and Lord Byron, however over the course of the episodes, more and more historical figures enter the plot and contribute to the overarching goal of defeating the unnamed antagonist(s) that are causing whatever is going down to go down (I have not determined what this is yet but with a crack team of computer animators I sincerely believe we could make some awesome shenanigans. Who loves vocanoes!).

The main characters, though, are those currently in the organization that are doing the reanimating; after all, it's up to them to decide under what circumstances to use the power they have been given. This could be comprised of any typical team of archetypes (the leader, the renegade, the woman (the woman renegade?! Emmy anyone?), the black dude, the scrawny computer whiz, etc.) but I've got my own ideas. We can talk this over at one of many meetings which I would be glad to bring donuts to.

Here's a list of questions you may have.

Who are you anyway?
I am a distinguished author of many a blog post and winner of the Ball Elementary School fourth grade spelling bee (no joke) but seriously I'm a college student with maybe one too many SPECTACULAR ideas.

Why are you sharing this amazing idea with us for free?
After a tedious selection process I have decided that your company is the only one that can accurately bring my vivid, revolutionary vision of a historical figure/cryogenics/worldwide conspiracy to life the way it deserves. The idea deserves your company's flair and reputation.

So what are some possible ideas for episodes?
I'm glad you asked! Here are a few I've thought up:

• The team revives Nikolai Tesla, much to the chagrin of Thomas Edison, who views him as a threat and much tension commences. This episode would have to culminate in an electricity battle, only to be stopped by a recently-awoken J.P. Morgan who then delivers a heartwrenching monologue about joining forces to fight the evil that lurks on the horizon.
• The organization is almost discovered by the United States government (embodied in the investigator tasked with cracking the case). They relocate to a new headquarters but this episode sets up a long feud between the vigilantes and the corrupt government.
• Goethe is revived. Everyone is excited to share ideas and talk with him, but he pulls away and we are all confused about the source of his antisocialism. At the same time, weird occurences start happening around the compound and J. Robert Oppenheimer and another team member are murdered. No one can explain why until the leader deduces that who they thought was Goethe is actually Adolf Hitler! Some kind of battle probably ends this one as well and they stop Hitler before he can kill any more Jews.
• This is more of a stand-alone twist, but perhaps we have someone still alive play him or herself? Perhaps, say, Patrick Stewart plays Patrick Stewart brough back in eighty years.
  

Great! What are some other possible sources of conflict?

• The inevitable love that blossoms between members of the team and the historical figures. Perhaps one of the women falls in love with someone brought back and one of the modern men becomes jealous?
• All those resurrected now must live without knowing anyone in the world. Do they have any stake in saving a planet that they don't even recognize?
• Obviously we are not aware of the evil that lurks below the surface's identity. This will be a big reveal when we finally get around to addressing who, in fact, the protagonists are battling. This might not happen until the third season or so.
• The audience has no knowledge of the list of people that have been preserved. When one is brought back, it is therefore always a chance for a twist or fun plot element. "Is Einstein frozen?" is the buzz question we want people asking around water coolers.
  
• The modern team must try to understand the reasoning behind the selection process. Why did their forefathers decide to freeze Byron and not Keats? Why Patton but not Eisenhower? One member of the team has more problems accepting the wisdom of the past than the rest of them and there could be an episode devoted to this.
• There are ten unmarked chambers at the back of the resurrection catacombs. We don't know who they are and neither do the characters; under what circumstances will they be opened?! Stay tuned!

Do you have any casting preferences?
I would like to meet LeVar Burton at some point

In short, I'm confident that under the auspecies of a well-paid auteur and my creative mind (I swear, these things just come to me) we can bring this vision to life in a way that no one yet can imagine. If you have any questions regarding the mechanics or implementation of what you see on this page, feel free to contact me. Thanks for taking the time to read this (I'm confident you're satisfied and excited about the future of this program) and I will undoubtedly be hearing from you through your people soon. I don't have people yet (my career is still nascent) but hopefully this enterprise will allow me to acquire some.

Your partner in this plainly successful endeavour,

Eli T. Drumm
Artist

Visting Presence.

A and B are in a Episcopalian chapel.

A: So why do you come to church anyway. I never thought of you as a religious person.
B: Well obviously not. I guess I like the atmosphere.
A: What, all this quiet and artwork? I mean I guess you could study here.
B: Yeah but I don't study. I kind of, well, exist. When there's not a service going on Lamar opens up the sanctuary for anyone that wants to come in and not a lot of people do, and even if there are a few others they're all pretty observant of the quiet. I can study anywhere but this environment is precious, it really is.
A: Okay but you're a self-avowed atheist.
B: And you're a nihilist.
A: What's that got to do with you.
B: Well nothing, but I'm curious as to why you care.
A: I'm not that much of a nihilist.
B: (soft) All right fine.
A: That's another discussion. What I'm curious about is why you don't feel nervous or get all angry around all this iconography and biblical, you know, stuff.
B: Why, because these are the people that inquisited and crusaded and persecute everyone?
A: Essentially.
B: Why do you see it as a problem?
A: Generally people don't like being around things they don't like.
B: Okay fair. But I've got nothing against this church. I don't not like this church.
A: But all these images stand for something you can't.
B: Okay so I don't believe in God. That doesn't necessarily precipitate a hatred of Christia-
A: HA. Like you've never voiced anti-Christian sentiments before. We all know what you think of religious people and their institutions, B, don't try—
B: Yeah yeah all right you're correct there. What you don't get, though, is that I'm able to separate my political and ethical views from what I enjoy, or the atmospheres I like to exist in, or the media I consume. If there was an artist that, oh, sang his heart out for Jesus, but the music was incredible, I'd have no problems listening to it.
A: I'll believe that when I see it. Of course considering the state of Christian music it's not something we have to worry about testing any time soon, so you're off the hook there.
B: Ha. All right.
A: You know what I think?
B: What do you think.
A: I think that you're a hater of convenience. You have morals and principles and if something that runs up against them is dopey and stupid and discordant and downright wrong you have no problem, you know, whisking it away and debunking or denouncing it, usually quite vocally, but if what you're exposed to is still wrong according to your own laws or whatever but has plenty of redeeming qualities, like this here sanctuary, you're hesitant to be against it.
B: I think if that was the case I'd be a bit more ansty around this environment. Honestly, I swear I'm completely at peace in this place.
A: Hm. I guess I'm skeptical that you can completely separate this beautiful imagery and magnificence and glory and all from the religious impact it conveys.
B: Perhaps not completely. But I'd like to think I'm good at it. I think of myself walking and meditating in this grand room we're in like, like maybe a visitor from the future would examine the present, or that we're in the future and this is a museum of what was once called religion.
A: Eh... I get what you're talking about. I don't like it though.
B: You wouldn't.
A: No I wouldn't. You're more cultural than me anyway, maybe that's it.
B: I'm just better than you.
A: Maybe that too.

Panels: "Must you be so egotistical in your thought experiments?"