MINISTRY OF RELATIONS ADDRESSES 'ALL TAKEN' RUMOURS, MANY RESPOND.

BLOOMINGTON, IN, Oct. 10--The Ministry of Relations today, in response to claims of the availability of wild type females in the general population suitable for long-term relationships with, released a statement confirming, more or less, what had been circulating. 'We are neither confirming nor denying the presence of girls that are both (1) wonderful and (2) not already in a relationship, however the science has so far indicated a much higher probability of such parameters being mutually exclusive than not,' the briefing stated. Officials are, nonetheless, shocked that the MR has taken such a public position on the issue; at the same time, few are fazed by the research. Zoë Llovt, noted psychiatrist and frontwoman of the post-post-rock band Zoë Llovt & the Sertralines, said that she was 'initially surprised. When I thought about it, though, yeah, you have those people that're going to be angry by the official comment and yeah, there are going to be mistakes made. But I think it's a good thing and high time that the Ministry publish this. The sooner everyone comes to some kind of consensus on this the sooner we can figure out what to go or where to do next.' MR administrators themselves were, as expected, unavailable for comment. The Minister of Forecasting, Rev. Schtarmza B. Komen, held a press conference on the impact such a public frame of thought might have on the way the MFC performs its jobs. When asked whether or not the MFC would seriously consider scientific speculation (alongside the regular methods of runecasting, time travel, et al) into its predictions regarding the odds Eliia as a whole enters into a relationship any time soon, Rev. Komen commented, 'Well, I'm sure it will factor in somehow or other. The MFC is always looking for new, innovative thoughts and all, but science... how much can science truly say about love?' It is likely this story will progress further as the Minister of Biology has scheduled a rare 'fireside chat' to be broadcast at 9:00 pm EST today. Undoubtedly the subject of available women will be brought up and it will be interesting to see how the Minister tackles this issue.